I forget everything that I was afraid of moments ago as soon as I see mama.
Alida: MAMA!
She gets up from her chair and I run over to her giving her the biggest tightest hug that I can manage.
After the hug...she stands back.
Lea: Let me look at you. You’ve gotten so big. You look beautiful. You age up tomorrow, right?
Alida: Yeah
Lea: *sighs and sits back down* Well...happy birthday baby. You’re going to be a beautiful teen.
Alida: Thank you
I sit down in the chair across from her and study her face for a while. There’s something there that I don’t recognize...and there are lines that weren’t there before.
Lea: So...how are you? Are you being well taken care of?
I hesitate and my eyes flick over to the officer who’s just sitting there next to mama. And although I can’t see her without turning my head, I know Miss Hillary is sitting behind me. I wish that mama and I could be alone. The room doesn’t exactly make me want to talk...but I try to make the best of the situation.
Alida: Are you?
Mama sighs and her eyes become sad.
Lea: I asked you first…
Alida: Yeah...Ms. Fuller is nice, she cooks the best meals and she can sing really good. And I have other kids to play with. There’s Raul...and Michael...and Claudia - but she’s older and she works and stuff so she doesn’t really play with us. Oh...and there’s Darwin.
Lea: *smiles* How’s school?
Alida: Good. My teacher put me in the higher reading group.
Lea: Good for you honey. I’m so proud. Reading was never my best subject...but I’m getting better at it now that I have more time on my hands.
I tell mama all about the drive over...about crossing the bridge and passing the airport.
Alida: You’re so lucky to be close to the airport. I bet you get to see the planes every day!
Lea: Well...I can hear them sometimes when we’re out in the yard. But the planes aren’t allowed to fly over the prison. They take a different route.
Alida: Oh
Just hearing the planes and not actually seeing them doesn't sound like a whole lot of fun.
Mama talks about how much she misses me and goes on and on about how much I’ve changed since she last saw me...but doesn’t mention anything about actually being in prison or about the events that led to her being here.
Alida: I miss you too mama...and at Winterfest, I asked Father Winter to make sure you had a good Winterfest too. It’s the only thing I wanted.
Lea: *touched* Thank you, baby. I wished the same for you! I’m glad that you had a chance to see Father Winter.
Alida: And for New Year’s...I hoped really hard that we’d be together again. Then today Ms. Fuller told me that I get to see you. Does this mean that you’re getting out and you’re coming to get me?
Mama’s eyes get even sadder…
Lea: Oh baby...I’m so sorry. I was hoping to be out soon...but my parole request has been denied.
My stomach sinks...pulling me down like a fast moving elevator.
Alida: But...w-what does t-that mean?
Lea: *sad sigh* It means...you’ll be a grown woman before I get out of here.
Alida: But, I thought...I - we - why mama?
Suddenly the officer, who’s been quiet the entire time, speaks up…
Police Officer: You have two minutes Lea…
Lea: Thanks Sophia
Mama stands up slowly and turns away…
Lea: I’m so sorry baby. If I could change things...I would. But...I have to go now.
I want to be brave and strong, but nothing can stop the tears. I place my face in my hands so mama won’t see them. But my body begins to shake with each sob. I can feel Miss Hillary behind me…
Miss Hillary: It’s okay sweetheart...everything will be okay.
Her words mean nothing to me because it’s not okay at all.
Lea: Ms. Fuller and Miss Hillary are going to take good care of you. Please don’t be sad, baby. Just remember that mama loves you!
Officer Sophia: I’m sorry, but it’s time to go Lea…
I jump up as the officer stands up to lead mama out the door.
Alida: Mama no! Please don’t leave me! Don’t leave me mama!
My mom tries to smile, but it’s crooked and trembling. I can see tears forming in her eyes. I guess she’s trying to be brave too.
Lea: I - I’ll send you letters...this isn’t forever. I’ll be out one day, and...we’ll be together again. But...I have to go now. I love you baby.
Alida: But it wasn’t your fault mama! Just tell them it wasn’t your fault so they’ll let you go!
But she’s led out by the officer. And just like that...is gone out of my life once again. Helplessness glues me to my spot and the last sound out of my mouth is a whimper.
The door slams behind her...loud enough to jar my insides. It’s a sound that’ll take a while for me to forget. I can hear Miss Hillary sniffling quietly behind me...either from crying or from a runny nose - maybe from both.
I stare at the door with anger filling in the missing parts where sadness was just moments before. What my mom did wasn’t her fault...and I just couldn’t understand why I seemed to be the only one to get that.
I remain silent the whole ride back to Del Sol, despite Miss Hillary’s attempts to get me to talk. Suddenly, the things that excited me on the way up feel meaningless...none of it matters anymore. Miss Hillary parks the car in my neighborhood and we get out. She stands there watching me for a while, then speaks...
Miss Hillary: Are you hungry?
Alida: ...
Miss Hillary: Come on...let’s get something to eat before you go back home.
Miss Hillary enters the diner that’s next door to Ms. Fuller’s...but there are no tables inside. The hostess leads us to the one table they have available...outside next to the dirty pool. We sit down and silently read our menus.
Miss Hillary: Order anything you want...okay?
I’m not interested in eating so I put away the menu and stare out at nothing in particular.
Miss Hillary: You know that everything you’re feeling right now is okay, right?
Alida:…
Miss Hillary: I know it doesn’t feel very fair...you have every right to be sad and angry about that. I’m always available if you ever want to talk about it. Do you have any questions about any of it?
Alida: Why don’t the cops understand that mama didn’t mean to hurt that man?
Miss Hillary: Oh sweetheart...there’s more than just cops involved. Your mom’s case went to trial. There was a jury. They all saw the evidence and decided that she was guilty.
Alida: Then the jury is stupid and I hate them!
The waitress walks over to take our order. Miss Hillary orders a soda and a salad. I order a root beer float.
Miss Hillary: Is that all you’re getting? No food?
Alida: You said whatever I want.
Miss Hillary: *chuckles* You’re right...I did.
After Miss Hillary’s food and my float arrive…
Miss Hillary: Listen Alida...I know there’s not much I can say to make you feel better about all of this, but I can say that you’re in very good hands with Nadine Fuller. You know what she told me when we were outside talking?
Alida: No
Miss Hillary: She told me that you are a great kid...a smart girl, with a really good heart and that it’s a pleasure having you there.
Alida: *perks up a little* She did?
Miss Hillary: Yes...and she’s seen you protecting the other kids, especially Michael - like a big sister. I think they would all be very sad if you weren’t around anymore.
This time Miss Hillary’s words mean a lot to me. I find myself sitting up a bit taller. And when I think about it...I realize that I’d be a bit sad to say goodbye to Ms. Fuller and the other kids there as well.
By the time Miss Hillary finishes up her salad...I actually manage to keep a little smile on my face.
Miss Hillary walks to her car...and stands there, making sure that I make it next door safely. I enter the house right as Ms. Fuller is finishing up story time for the evening. She’s standing by the bookshelf putting the book on the shelf and Michael, Darwin and Raul are still sitting on the couch.
The things that she told Miss Hillary are still ringing around in my head. Her words are the nicest things anyone has ever said about me. And it makes me feel special and wanted.
Before I know it...Ms. Fuller has her arms open and I immediately walk into them...allowing her to hold me close. Tears...seemingly with a mind of their own fill my eyes and I begin to cry into her shoulder. She slowly rubs my back...content to hold me for as long as I need to be held.
Ms. Fuller: It’s going to be okay Alida. I’m here for you...always!
It’s at that moment that I begin to recognize Ms. Fuller as my 2nd mother...and I decide that from then on, she’d be Mama Nadine.
Labels: Banks - Generation 1, The Banks Dynasty
